On Availability of Information... Or why you should never tell me anything... ever...

I am a terrible secret keeper. This is mainly because I think the more information out there the better. And I think that anything that anyone would want to keep a secret is kind of ridiculous. Don’t get me wrong, I am all for personal privacy. I don’t need to (or want to) know everything about your life (believe me, I really don’t want to hear about it… This may be why my response to most conversations is slack-jawed staring. Take a hint, people!) But really, if it’s supposed to be a secret or on the d-l, why are you telling me? I am not related in anyway, except that I probably know and am friends with the person you are telling me about. And really, the joke’s on you because the minute they buy me a drink, I go a loose-lipped and will confess any secret that I have ever heard, even if it is completely unrelated… to anything… ever. (Loose-lipped is such a funny phrase. Imagine if we all had literally loose lips, they’d be all over the place! At one point, they detach themselves from our faces and rampage through the streets until they took over and ruled the world!!! It’d be like The Blob, only with lips! NOOO!!! … heh … Okay, tequila hangover, please go away now. This is ridiculous.)

Whatever you are telling a secret about is probably not worth it. It is some stupid fact that shouldn’t be a secret, something that will hurt someone else, or a surprise.

First of all, if it’s some little unimportant tidbit, then by telling me, you are making me a part of some little exclusive club. And in case you haven’t noticed, not really into the whole exclusivity thing, considering I spent the majority of my college years in hippiesque, dirty, communal living situations … and have you seen my eyebrows recently? I haven’t done anything with them for at least the past six-months. Point being, I wouldn’t make the A-list for any club in the city, so why would I want to be part of your secret-club? (Although if it is, like, an actual secret society, call me. I’m all about Druid robes.)

Secondly, if it’s a secret that hurts someone, as pointed out before hand, I probably know them and they are my friend. Of course, I’m going to tell them, you asshole! He/she is my friend!!! I don’t want to see them get hurt by a jerkface like you, who would first do something that would emotionally damage them and then not tell them about it. I hope you preemptively take away from this conversation that if you ever do anything to hurt my friends, I will cut you. ‘Nough said.

Finally, if it’s a surprise, THESE ARE MY FAVORITE!!! I LOVE SURPRISES! I love them so much I want them to happen RIGHT NOW! I hate waiting for surprises to happen. Mainly because it involves a party and I like parties. (Although not socializing with other people. Weird, I know…) This is also a problem, though. Because, whoever the surprise is for, I want that person to be as happy and excited as I am for them. So I will probably tell them that you are planning something special for them, hence ruining the surprise. Sorry in advance…

But really the best solution to this whole secret dilemma, and to keep me from hating you or, probably more likely, you from hating me, is to just not tell me, or stop keeping secrets. They’re ridiculous! Kind of the emotional swings of this post. Whoa… (As a sidenote, that probably happened because I got really frustrated at you for being a jerkface for no apparent reason and then had to compensate by getting really, really excited for the surprise party you are not actually throwing.)

Although if you are secretly a superhero or part of a secret crime fighting league, that’s awesome. Keep doing that.

Everyday Adventures...

So, I’m going to try and start doing this again. It’s been about two years… or more. I think I tried to update this when I was in Buenos Aires and kind of failed once BsAs began to feel like home. So here it goes again. Maybe someone will stumble across this and it will make them happy. In any case, have you ever noticed how life becomes more exciting when you are writing about it?
Also, have you noticed how whenever you sit by yourself, people feel the need to crowd in the spaces around you even though there are plenty of empty seats elsewhere? Perhaps not the best thought for somebody whose Halloween costume is going to be a ray of sunshine, but what can I say? Someone has to be overly critical. Maybe I just need to listen to happier music while writing this. So, Happy Halloween! I hope your costumes are more awesome than mine, especially since I just came up with the idea last night. I, also, hope everyone is keeping a running tally of how many Lady Gaga-s they see.
Right now, both my sister and I are in the middle of the job search. Which for me is always kind of fun. Think about all the things in the world that you could do!!! Halloween is also awesome for that – you can be anything!!! The other day, my sister told me that she was going to be a firefighter; and, while I thought that was a bit off the radar for what types of jobs she would want to be doing, especially considering the management consulting interviews she’s been going through, I was fully prepared to support her in whatever endeavor she was going to undertake. Then I realized she meant her Halloween costume… My immediate thought after that was but what if there is fire?!?!? She won’t know what to do! [Speaking of firefighters, right now there is a girl behind me on the train wearing a very short dress with reflectors and fire department badges on it. I hope no one goes running to her when there is a fire because it’s highly doubtful that she’d be able to do anything about it in those heels. (Also, have you ever noticed how women who shouldn’t be wearing heels with short dresses and skirts always do? Tone those legs, ladies! )]

Then again, going through these management consulting interviews is supposed to teach you how to deal with any situation. I went through them too… Every overachieving undergraduate dresses up in the only semi-professional wear that they own and then walks into a large conference hall with at least 1,000 other overachieving undergraduates, who, like you, have never done ANYTHING before.(Well, maybe they have, but I am highly doubtful. The working world was quite a shock after my 6-month vacation from 4 years of Art History… And I guess that’s what I mean by not doing ANYTHING!!!!) Then, you compete for the attention of an overpaid employee who is probably about 5 years older than you, but you feel SO YOUNG and inexperienced, which of course you are. After all the clawing and scratching just to get someone’s card so that you can write them a thank you note that they will not even read, you enter yet another part of the system where you put your resume and coverletter onto said colleges website. I found out the other day that they don’t even READ the coverletters. So, then, if you finally get an interview, you go into generic hotel for breakfast of not fresh fruit and yogurt and coffee, one of which you will spill on your blouse and, yes, it will leave a stain. And then, you go into one hotel room with one of said intimidating consultant peers. And they give you a situation you have never even had to think about before, unless you studied for the case interview! (And really, who studies for these things. I didn’t really even study for my Art History exams.) Not only are you expected to have a firm grip of the fine line between the theoretical business world and the real business world, you are expected to do math. (And this was the day when I cursed my calculus teacher for telling me that one would only use calculus in the future to build calculators… I will never ever build a calculator, which he aptly also pointed out.)
Aside from the math, management consulting interviews are a lot like a Halloween party. I mean, what do you say when approached by a bunch of purple grapes? “I always liked the green ones better. Especially if they are frozen.” Plus, once you add in the alcohol, and dancing with rubix cubs and life-sized sperm, you better be prepared for any situation… Much like a management consulting interview, Halloween means that all the rules of normalcy and familiarity get tossed out the window. It’s too bad we only give ourselves one day a year to partake in these sorts of activities. And on that note, there are too many drunk girls in booty shorts on the train now to continue this post. So Happy Halloween everyone, do something that you wouldn’t normally do.
Also, Go Giants!